I moved to a tiny island and thrived. Remote work is not the reason you are lonely.

Last night I got a voice note from a friend:

“I don’t know how you do it. Remote work feels lonely. I miss hanging out and bonding with my team.”

A year ago, my wife and I moved from London to a tiny island in the Caribbean. We needed a break from the city.

Everybody’s mental health suffered during the past two years, and it’s easy to assume remote work is the problem. Yet even before the pandemic, London was the loneliness capital of the world.

Other big cities struggle with the same issue. People move there for a job and assume work will be their social life.

Your job is your only source of income. Don’t make it your only source of community, too.

We’ve lived in a small city of 300k people for a year now, and made more friends than ever. Here is how:

• Limit your options: In London, we’d be at a different meetup every time. Connect with some people, then never follow up. There is only one Friday tech meetup in Nassau. We see the same group of people every week. Consistency builds trust. Trust creates friendships.
• Embrace randomness: In London, I never met my neighbors. Now they just drop by for a glass of wine. On paper, I have little in common with a 50-year-old lawyer. But the deeper you dig, the more you realize how limited that view is.
• Be proactive: Find online or offline communities you like, then become a regular. Can’t find one? Create your own atomic community. Invite four friends with a shared interest into a group chat and host a call every two weeks. You’ll have accountability, fun, and a regular hang out, all-in-one.

The recent wave of layoffs should be a reminder that the old model is dead. Your job is not your social life.